Wednesday, August 14, 2013

AU 6 - Screen shot of the month and Kingdom of Hearts / Chrono Trigger rant.

Thought I would share this chainsaw wielding maniac from Final Fantasy 6:

I am playing FF6 on SNES because I never have... yup, I said it. My first console rpg I fell in love with was FF7. The others I sort of passed over or never played. Usually because back then I was to poor to buy these kind of games or to busy doing other kid / teen stuff to get into it. As an adult I was getting more into Xbox and PS2 titles of horror and doing most my rpg on the PC. This would leave me missing out on allot of classics. I tried Chrono Trigger, and although it had great concept, the horrible dialog was horrible. Seriously, I think Pokémon "It is super effective" dialog is better than whoever scripted Chrono Trigger...

So I decided to get back into classic gaming. I would start PS2 and work down to nes. So I tried Kingdom of Hearts. UGHH! I always heard it was a dark game that was deep. I found bad controls, horrible camera, glued together by piss poor story that was made up mostly of mini games. You have this large story arch that SORT of is interesting, but it is held together with mini games and stupidity.
  The main story being you on an island of children (although I heard a parent voice before leaving the island) and black hole sun opens up and some pedo dude trys to touch you. You have to fight his hands and then you go to Disney Land...YUP. Apparently you are in love with another child and go to find her. She is odd, because she shows up and then runs away. Making you pissed off and not want to really find her stupid ass. So that ends the story there for me. There are a few questions like who is the pedo? Where is my other friend? But all in all the mini games kill any interest to continue this bad story.
  Mini games consist of doing odd tasks in small lands that are horribly designed. You will tear your hair out as most mini games rely on jumping on platforms and performing other acrobats. Normally this is fun, but not when the camera blindly swings around like a drunk man or hidden behind a wall amking most jumps a leap of faith. It is like "wow that could be fun if I would SEE WHAT I WAS DOING". Sucky.
  Combat is fun, but recycled enemies is not.
As a hook, they tie in other video game people, right away, final fantasy 7 characters. I had no idea, and was like "OH NO DEY DIDNT'. Oh yes they did. They try to cover this horrible exploit of Cloud meets Donald by saying that "perhaps when Alice went in the rabbit hole, it was the same magic that brings cloud to Disney Land". NO you idiots! Alice in wonder land was a huge allegory. Cloud in Disney is called Marketing to kids and ruining smart adults nostalgic gaming experiences. So, in my opinion. This game never exists. It is an abomination to everything that is RPG. I will never finish it or play it again. That is why I jumped right to the SNES on FF6, and I am liking what I am playing :)



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