Tuesday, June 18, 2013

J8 - Man of Steel Movie Review

I just finished watching Man of Steel. The new superman movie stars some dude, Morpheus from the Matrix. Russel Crow. And Lois Lane.

Here are my notes in chronological order as I watched the film:

1) The point between Super man's birth and the his launch to earth is filled with special effects and Russel Crow doing a bunch of mumbo jumbo action. It is his turn to spew monotone dialog and do things on alien planet like swim under water and take baby fetuses, and shoot bad guys, and thankfully dies...but not for long...They could have done away with all this story telling. I did enjoy the sci fi ambience, but it will feel out of place later on. As cool as high tech environments are, I prefered the more natural course the old Super Man took, where they were in a crystal like cave sending the baby off in apod. In the 2013 version, so many questions...You have the technology to terra form, but you refuse to leave the planet that is about to explode...

2) So, the Zod, the bad guy, kills Russel Crow, and tries to stop baby Super man, or S-man, from being launched off planet. He tries to stop it, and kills some politicians, which gets him in prison...since the planet is dying and every one on it, his trial is pretty fast. They freeze Zod and his hench men and send them into a ship into outer space... wait, if the planet is dying, why not freeze and preserve every one, put in ships and set to autopilot. The AI seems to be incredibly strong...including Russel Crows...but I am getting ahead of myself.

3) So then...we skip to earth...Clark Kent is a oil rig worker and some how his oil rig is exploding and he and his friends must escape it...he walks out of a room on fire but safe, and his friends are lie WOAH. He then saves the National Guard helicopter ready to pluck them from the collapsing off shore rig, and he saves the them by stopping a giant iron fiery portion of the rig from smashing in the copter...showing off his super human strength. And his beard.
 At this point I paused the film and went to look up Super man powers. I found out he has super intelligence...I guess being an oil rig worker is all that his super brain powers got him into in life. In older super man, he was a wal-street journalist by his mid 20's. Don't worry, the film ends with him changing careers, just pretend the first 20 min of film you just watched...NEVER HAPPENED.

4) So S-man is an adult, a rather boring monotone character. He is in search of his origings, and we see some flash backs of little guy in school adapting to earth's environment. So, he leaves his boring farm life to find himself, his origins. I am a little confused because I thought the pod he arrived in is in his home area, but apparently he leaves to find it in a vague scene...Scene cutting is horribly edited in this film...it is like head of editing fought internaly and just pieced together garbely gunk.
  So super man enters some pod thingy and presses buttons or whatever, and Russel Crow arrives in a 3D-video recording. Well, hi Russel Crow, what do you have to say...oh no...Stop...Stop talking! NOOOO he mono tones his dialog, like everyone else, to tell us a story about Super Man, and how he is powerful and on earth because his people are afraid of space ships or some shit. So, Super man then walks out the pod fully costumed...wait....why? how? what? who? Thank you for the 20 min narration Russel Crow

5) 51:00 min mark S-man has his suit and super powers. But, he doesn't learn values or anything by talking to Russel, he just now is the man because he has the look. I also have passed almost an hour and Clark Kent does NOT FEEL LIKE A PROTAGONIST. He just feels like a poster boy. Even then, a very dull one. Also, that beard he had...He magically shaved it off to show us that double butt chin. The same time he magically finds his super suit. I guess as a man I relate to that...I like to shave too. I must be super...

6) Suddenly the film gets cut scene edited again horribly, and we start to hear Lois Lane narrating the film...oh, hi Lois in New York. She does this "dear Drew" like intimate journal voice to add "depth" and "emotion" to the film. It feels like a filtered in after thought. I see why though, the characters are horribly dry.AND MONO TONE! Her trying to add her poetic after thoughts feels as awkward as her boss, who ends up being Morpheus from the Matrix. I refuse to use his real name here. He is MORPHEUSSSSS!

7) Did I mention this film is incredibly monotone and lacks emotion?

8) Because they are relying on flash backs to tell story...It get's confusing and contradictory. They even make a huge time line mistake...but that later. So far, Clark returns home after "finding himself" (still not sure at what point in time he worked on the oil rig...why is his mom not effected he almost died on it? I thought to myself maybe the oil rig scene is his job in the future that we will loop back to in the end of the film...)
 His mom greets him by saying: "Well look at you!" and grabs his face...Funny thing is, his flash backs being young, before leaving...Is the same actor, same face, same youthful look, no beard...So, he hasn't changed...when did he grow a beard? What am I watching?

9) 68:00 minutes in the film the bad guys land. Apparently Zob uses his prison ship to find Earth. He used technology they apparently had and tested...So...forget it. So he threatens earth by shutting down all electricity and sending a message over the internet and radio and television that he will kill all humans unless super man surrenders. I guess people without the web are fucked. What if Super man landed in the amazon and grew up in a forest tribe. No one would get the message LOL.
  So they keep cutting scenes again and we see he is a little boy having trouble using his powers. We also get to see that his dad tried to save 2 dogs in a tornado, and is pinned between cars as the tornado arrives. S-man can save him but his dad tells him to stand down, it is not time to show the world his true powers...BUT HE SHOWED THE NATIONAL GUARD AND A HANDFUL OF STAFF on the oil rig that is super human...But now he is doubting his powers...Wait...this makes no sense...the time line of events and the moral decisions are off...Brain malfunctioning...who is in control of these stupid CUT SCENES!

10) So S-man surrenders... This is a tactic used in all movies recently. The last one is Star Trek, the bug powerful superman like Kahn just gives up, and walks into the prison to deal with things. Same feel here. Super man just gives up and we see this scene he is in full costume handcuffed in a military prison getting ready for transport. This is an awkward out of place scene. They military treats him like a dangerous guy, and say he could have a virus since he is alien. But they allow Lois Lane to talk with him, and then opent he door to let a commander and lead scientist in the room. Ok. Did I mention monotone dialog? Some times Lois Lane narrates, some times she doesn't...I guess we don't care about poetic interaction with super man all the time...just those times the movie dragsssssss....Lois Lane also knows superman because he saves her in a scene where she is somehow in the same pod he is in when finding his identity, he saved her from some kind of alien robot thing...and then used medical skills to heal her...I think with his laser eyes...I personally ignored that earlier scene because I knew scenes like this would re-appear, where they have to act like strangers but not...in addition, you can tell by the editing when you should shut your eyes and brain off, and just pay attention to the core elemnts...if possible...so yeah...
   The military then has ZERO role really in giving super man over...S-Man just strolls up to Zod's ship in a desert like location (We have desert, before it was oil rig, big city, country side, NEw York, and now some desert...did I mention the editing is bad?)
  I had to orget in the comics, super man fly's to his threats and punches holes in the ships before entering them. He does not allow the US military to play buddy buddy in his affairs. This is what set S-man asside from the rest, the fact his affairs were PERSONAL and his and not human. Adding the military in was like a nudge nudge nudge wink wink to the US military. Like, aha, you see, they work together for the greater good. It felt odd, out of character, and very stupid in general. This also adds more characters than the film can manage. So between Lois Lane narration, Russel Crow, Morpheus, Parents, friends, S-man, we now have the US military and a scientist to add...and yes, the editing is BAD.

11) There is a DEFCON scene, where US is tracking Zods spaceship. There is a room full of military dudes behind computers, and in a 5 second scene, the commander asks a Chinese chick behind a computer out of uniform the status updates...So I guess DEFCON hires Chinese civilians for the smarter work, despite the other female and male military counter parts behind the sae computers around her... I do not bring that up because of race, but the imagery and symbols used in this film are strange, this being one example. Especially after all the pro American images like the flag etc...If Obama made a film, this would be it. Lots of encouraging words that do not execute properly in the end, and a Chinese sell out. XD

12) 83:31 Min. mark and Russel Crow re-appears. He is a 3D program again, but not really, it is Russel Crow trying to save the day. After all, you can not sign a contract without his pretty face all over the film. Super man's dad in the original never fought for screen time...In fact, the time we actually see super man vs. Russel Crow is about the same, the film busies itself trying to fit everyone else in that S-Man dissapears some times. It should be called "Super Crow". In more monotone dialog and bad acting, Russel Crow computer AI saves the princess aboard Zod's ship. HE helps her escape. In fact, Russel Crow and the military do more to save humanity than Super Man at the end of the film. It is super disgusting and not at all exciting. Especially when the sense of dispaire, suspense etc, is killed by Russel Crow's appearance, you then know 100% that Lois Lane is going to be safe, and the rust of the crap you watch is just special effects and every things explodes around her...YAY.

13) The film is almost over and Super Man does not feel like the alien with human sentiments. By now he is fighting Zods alien forces and S-man just feels like another alien. I had no "fight for humanity" moment, especially since humanity was not doing to bad. Including the military and Russel Crow that do 80% Of superman's work, I can't help but now see the design of this film. Add explosions and tons of special effects, use Super man costume and bad acting and no emotions in dialog, and just pump in scenes of the mid west and the American flag and people will eat it up. I actually was nagging to watch the original Super Mans and read the comics after this as this was so stale and un eventful.

14) One thing I have to say backing up a little. Super man saves people from tragedies that are very recent in the real world. I think this is part that contradicts the human connection with him. Old superman saw women in trouble, or car accidents, and saved them. He helped bake pies, etc. He was reacting to human emotions. Saves kitties... In this film, he does nothing for humanity, but EVERYTHING for SURVIVAL, he first saves himself, and if you so happened to be there with him, you got a free ticket.
  For example, first and out of place accident the Ocean oil pump explosion. Next, he tests his powers by saving a buss full of children that fall into a lake and almost horrific drown. I remember allot of bus crashes recently involving young kids. Super man happened to be in the bus so he saves himself with the others also showing off his powers.
  His dad dying in a tornado is pretty recent stuff too. It still is stupid that younger Kent flys out of a lake with a bus full of kids in front of traffic...but he can't save his dad in the middle of a storm...this contradiction is so strong in the film it destroyed it for me. Just bad bad directing, editing, and movie in general. So, all those kids and people he saved...GUESS WHAT? He KILLS THEM ALL in battling Zod. He basically destroys his small town in explosions and fights. That bus full of kids he saved as a youth? They are now all dead as he blows up gas stations and houses and shopping centers as he fights Zod with his rage. Allot of punching and flying. They do not show his other super powers. Also, he uses lasers to heal Lois Lane in the pod thing, but he never once uses eye lasers to fight? But his enemy does...CONFUSED!

15) Some stupid shit about Codex...

16) MONOTONE! How does Lois Lane get around??? we are in New York, then the country, then a military base, then New York...she is everywhere. Morpheus is famous, so he get's to tag along behind her sometimes...WHY!! The boss was not a key character in the other Super Man franchises! The scientist is stupid. 110:00 min. mark RUSSEL CROW RETURNS! YOU ARE S-mans DEAD DAD! STAY DEAD! THIS IS NOT YOUR FILM IDIOT! He tries to convince Zod to stop and that S-man is stronger than him. Something about preserving blood lines...Zod replies: "I will harvest codex from his corpse"...

17) So, Zod launched these big space ship things that make no sense on the earth. They are terra forming and apparently one has a tentacle thing to chase S-man in the bad CGI event. Super man is beuried beneath rubble long enough for Russel Crows scene above. Then he some how get's motivation, like he heard Russel Crows speech. And flys up and punches the ship to pieces. That is all he needed to do apparently (where was the tentical?). IT explodes, and a stupid cut scene into a helicopter appears, apparently Lois Lane is in it...and the polot says: "he did it" and Lois Lane looks horny. At this point, the editing goes off the wall, they cut scenes to the military, Lois, Super man, Zod, every one is doing something rather, and so to track it all we hop scenes. It gave me a headache. It also was not important. It was, again, a way to make the US military as Supermans buddies. It was stupid.

18) Lois Lane then is in an airplane (no idea how she gets all these top level military security). She is with the useless Sciencetist. She has sto stick a S-man piece of rock in a bomb thing to activate it. This is the exact horrible dialog: Loi: "Something is wrong" - Scientist: "What is it supposed to do".  - Lois: "It has to go all the way in"...I actually laughed in my seat as I watched this. WoW, the suspense lacking scene used the most basic monotone dialog that had sexual innuendos. It sounded funny. I rewound the scene and looked away, and yup, that was the dialog I just heard. Sorry scientist, only S-man can get it in all the way.

19) So, Lois and Scientist save the day by pushing it all the way in, and things explode and they cut the scene to Morpheus on the ground looking up at the action in the sky of Lois Lane and scientist...and he passerby says: "Are they gone"? - Morpheus "I think so". - lady "He saved us"....NOOO NOOOO Super man is buried beneath debris. He literally is taken out of the film after punching that one ship. It was Lois sexual talk that saved you, not super man. Why did we need Morpheus in New York to guess "they are all gone"? that was a vague guess. Why not the lilitary command post that is ACTUALLY tracking the vessels??? They made a point to show how "intelligent" they were before??? Oh right...it is Morpheus...he know's whats up.

20) Sadly it is not over. There is this horrible scene of Super man now facing Zod all alone, 1 on 1. His one line of epic dialog: "You'r a MONSTER! (then he breathes the next line, I seriously think it was an accident and they did not edit it out...he literally breathes it and like chokes on his words, like the cable lifting him into flight caught his breath:) and Im gonna stop you".... LOL!

21) Fight fight fight, explode explode explode, kill more innocent people in sky scrapers. OH HEY! Remember how i said this film uses accidents a little to real to be funny or feel heroic about? So yeah, they blow up ALLOT of buildings. I know this is Godzilla like old movie tactics. But I could not help to see how much emphasis in the details they put into it. The buildings in monster movies are usually to show scale and size. In Superman comics, he usually takes his fight to the moon, space, or other outlandish settings. This one, no, it felt like I was a watching a 9/11 preparation video. Tie that in with the other tragedies this movie shows, and the detail they put on the victims. For example, in one scene, and one scene only, Lois Lane is put in make up as a victim stuck in building debris, it was done really well, but why just that scene and why just her? I felt the images they were trying to show had some sinister plot deeper than the film...or maybe it was just bad editing...I'll go with that.

22) The last battle sums up like this: TWILIGHT. So, in the start of the film, it is noted that Super Mans people have blood lines that govern their lives. So stronger bloodlines are super human etc. This is EXACTLY the plot behind vampire films. Stronger bloodline vampires are just stronger. So the last fight was just a vampire on vampire sight. Especially how it was executed. Lots of Bloom effect and punching. Lame. Super man just ends up snapping the dudes neck in a fit of rage. No impalement or back snapping like the comics usually do.

23) The movie then has to have closure for all the characters it introduced in this crap fest. So for the military, some Commander is in a truck with some lower rank chick. A plane falls from the sky and S-man is there with it, they exchange dialog. The commander says why you break our expensive material? S-man says they should stop trying to find him and just trust him, he is on US side, even if Washington doesn't believe it. This super sappy political speech is dumb. He then fly's off and the chick starts laughing. The commander looks at her and she is like all smiles, trying to hold posture and says "Sorry sir, I just think he is hot"... She wants the super-D. Thanks movie for releasing some strange sexual vibe in the dumbest scene yet.

24) Speaking of sex. Super man and Lois relationship is never really felt. Since the bad acting and monotone dialog and since the director decided to randomly cut her intimate narration. I mean, a little word perhaps of: "The world was saved, and the man I met is now missing, but I know he will return"...nNOPE none of that. To close out this part, we see that Lois goes right back to work as if nothing happened. And Morpheus is back to giving orders as if they did not just survive a building collapse, and he announces: "I want you to meet our new employee". And yes, it is KEnt Clark in his business suit ready to work and sexually harass Lois...This makes no sense... SO WHAT WAS THE OIL RIG Scene all about? His high intelligence (wikipdia his super powers) are never really used? He is now KNOWN as Super Man so how will this effect the work and Lois relationship, that goes against everything the comics and history is about? THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

I rate this film 0/5. I had no emotional response to it. It was bad acting. Bad plot. Bad directing. Bad everything. I liked the space environment but it was like a whole different movie compared to the shit going on earth... I hate to say it but I think After Earth is a better movie out of the two, at least they execute basic film elements to move the plot. Super Man cut's it, and destroy's it's own credibility. I now have to pretend I did not see this horrible film. Also, no reference to cryptonite. No "It's a bird it's a plane..." No one was surprised to see super man. And no one felt scared, or showed emotion. They shouted at times but that was it. This was just a film that had Morpheus and Russel Crow fight Super Man for the lime light. AND SUPER MAN LOST!

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